Why I Don't Want To Be A Criminal

You have to wonder sometimes if people can really be a dumb as they appear. I love to watch reality police shows. One that I recently viewed showed clips from video surveillance camera. Of course, in the clips, were individuals that were somewhat less than clever. In general they were falling out of ceilings and covering their head, but not their face to avoid being recognized. Obviously they are not showing the more astute criminals that got away, but still I wonder can anyone be that stupid? How about the criminals in this article. So you drive down the road without your seat belts on and a car load of stolen credit cards, checks and ID's. Nothing like drawing your attention to yourself. What were these two thinking? It never ceases to amaze me that, even when caught red handed, thieves will deny they were doing anything. One show used a car as bait for thieves. They parked the car in a place it would likely be stolen and then waited. Unfortunately for the unsuspecting criminals once they were down the street a piece the engine was shut off and the doors automatically locked. Sort of like a roach hotel (perfect analogy). I will never forget one guy who fell into the trap. Once the police caught up to the jail on wheels he said "I didn't do anything". Oh you were walking by the car and it sucked you in and drove off with you inside, right? Who wants to be on a list of people with a fleet of cars with radios and guns and computer systems that work with other people in other places that have the same stuff? What about people who take video of themselves committing crimes. "OK, everyone ready. This will be take one. Ready, commit the crime!!!." Like the two that rammed a van into a tree and then collected the insurance money to pay off a debt. Did I mention they video taped the event. Maybe they just wanted to have a memento of the cherished vehicle. To bad it fell into the hands of a disgruntled ex-spouse. Wouldn't it just be safer to obey the law?

Are You Nervous Yet?

You could say that people are what they are regardless of what they do, but there is something quite disturbing about an astronaut that wigs out. I'm a baby boomer and growing up when I did meant there are a few things that you hold sacred. Astronauts, police and firemen were icons of my youth. Now I have to look over my shoulder and wonder who is going to go postal next. I suppose our astronaut has a good case for insanity. Let's face it flying around in space isn't exactly your normal occupation. Who knows, Martians could be pelting the space shuttle with crazy rays. It could be a good defense. What were you thinking when you drove all that way to confront the "Other Woman". "Well your honor it was the Martians. I saw rays coming from Mars and it made me feel a little funny and before I new it I was in Florida waring my space diaper". What is going on in this world. Maybe it was the fluoride in the water. I'm starting to look over my shoulder, under my car and in and in my under ware drawer. Some of my neighbors get in fist fights right on their front lawns. The husband usually loses. If they wave and say hi I feel like diving behind a tree. You start to back away from little old ladies. "Sonny could you help me with......."OK LADY HERE IS MY WALLET. JUST DON'T SHOOT". Personally I think all those elderly people that claim to have missed the brake and hit the gas are just failed ram raid attempts. How about cops robbing banks. All the training on catching bank robbers and all the radios, guns, amour and forensics that are put into catching them and a cop thinks he can beat the system. There is a problem with the thought process there. Something like trying to go through the door before opening it. I have a feeling that the Darwin Awards are going to expand significantly in the near future.

Need Signs.

I let my imagination run away with me sometimes. I see signs in various places that need explanation or a few additional words to bring out the real meaning. Like "Under New Management" which I change to "Under New Management with the same old crappy policies". "Wait help wanted" like I need help waiting. "All You Can Eat or as much of this swill as you can get down". "I have an Honor Roll student at Oakland County Jail". If anyone has got some others I would like to see them.

To Nigeria With Love